What sometimes gets overlooked in all this questioning is that the person diagnosed is not the only one affected by the disease. The partner or spouse of the person with diabetes will be asking many of the same questions.
Keeping a Partner Informed About Diabetes Issues
How does someone begin to answer these questions, and make sure a partner or spouse is kept informed?
The person with diabetes should reassure his or her partner that life as they know it is not necessarily over. But, at the same time, the diligent self-care and sometimes drastic lifestyle changes the disease will require should not be minimized.
Many diabetes experts say that communication and mutual participation are the keys to maintaining a healthy relationship when diabetes has intruded.
“Sometimes the burden of having to explain everything from the beginning -- what is diabetes, what you have to do to manage it -- is difficult and makes it easy for you to put off educating your partner,” says Joe Solowiejczyk, who has type 1 diabetes.
Solowiejczyk, a registered nurse and a certified diabetes educator, says, “It’s important that you both take time out of your busy schedules to fit this in” if you want to avoid having a partner who feels left out. Day-to-day issues, such as menu changes, need to be discussed. Emotional issues related to commitment and intimacy should also be addressed.
Solowiejczyk says it can be helpful to have a third party, like a health care professional, assist with communication. This might take some of the burden off the person with diabetes and make the partner feel more comfortable asking questions.
Diabetes Affects Both Partners
To stay healthy, the person with diabetes must commit to self-care and adopt a beneficial lifestyle that includes a good diet and an exercise program. These lifestyle requirements -- which could require drastic changes -- will have health benefits for both partners. However, change is scary for some people, and some partners will resist.
Janis Roszler, RD, CDE, LD/N and co-author of The Secrets of Living and Loving with Diabetes, says that this is another instance where including your loved one is especially important.
“I find that people respond more readily to change when they have accurate information,” she says. “I urge people with diabetes to invite their loved ones to join them at a diabetes class or go with them to a doctor’s appointment. This way they can learn what to expect and have their questions answered.”
Roszler also notes that some areas of self-care, especially diet and exercise programs, are easier when they are shared. “It is far easier to stick to a meal plan when the foods that a person wants to avoid are not brought into the home,” she says. She adds that working out with a loved one (biking, dancing, walking, yoga, etc.) can be lots of fun.
When Sex Isn’t What it Once Was
Diabetes can intrude even in the bedroom. Some men experience impotence as a result of their diabetes. Some women lack the vaginal lubrication needed to make intercourse comfortable. Depression, a common side effect of diabetes, can affect one’s desire for intimacy, as can some medications.
Health care providers are well aware of these problems. Sometimes something as simple as a change in medication can help revive interest in sex. As with all lifestyle issues, it’s important to keep health care providers informed and share any concerns with them.
Openness with spouses and partners is important as well. Let him or her know that the difficulties are not anyone’s fault and are not necessarily permanent. Keep communicating and together discover new ways to enjoy each other.
One thing to keep in mind is that intercourse is a form of physical activity and, as such, it can sometimes lower blood sugar. Ask the doctor about the need for a snack before being intimate and checking blood sugar levels afterward. (The DVD Sex, Intimacy, and Diabetes contains helpful information.)
When Communicating Seems Difficult
A 2005 study found that many partners of those with type 2 diabetes were themselves at risk for diabetes, simply because of shared diet and exercise patterns. When the person with diabetes involves his or her partner in healthy lifestyle changes, it can help reduce the partner’s risks for developing the disease. When partners know that their health is at stake as well, it can make communicating about diabetes easier.
As in all aspects of maintaining a healthy relationship, working together is vital when facing diabetes. Studies have found that the more the two partners collaborate and support one another in fighting the challenges of diabetes, the more the relationship and the health of both partners will benefit.
Sources:
"Caring for Your Spouse." Roche Diagnostics. 2007. Roche Diagnostics. 23 Oct 2007 <http://www.accu-chek.co.uk/gb/rewrite/content/en_GB/1.4.3:30/article/ACCM_general_article_3415.htm>.
Fisher, Lawrence. "Family Relationships and Diabetes Care During the Adult Years." Diabetes Spectrum 192006 71-74. 23 Oct 2007 <http://spectrum.diabetesjournals.org/cgi/content/full/19/2/71>.
Roszler, Janis. “Diabetes and Dating.” Diabetes Health. 2005. Diabetes Health. 28 Sep 2007 <http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2005/03/01/4052.html>.
“Seven Ways to Support Your Loved One With Diabetes.” Dlife. 2007. Dlife. 20 Sep 2007 < http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/daily_living/diabetes_caregivers.html>.
“Sex and Diabetes.” LifeClinic. 2007. LifeClinic. 30 Sep 2007 <http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/diabetes/sex.asp>.
Solowiejczyk, J. “Whose Diabetes Is It? When One of You Has It and Both of You Live With It.” Dlife. 2007. Dlife. 30 Sep 2007 < http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/inspiration_expert_advice/expert_columns/solow_032405.html>.
Von Wartburg, Linda. “Women, Sex, and Diabetes.” Diabetes Health. 2007. Diabetes Health. 30 Sep 2007 <http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2007/02/01/4949.html>.
